I met a 19 year old girl that was living in a homeless shelter after aging out of Foster care back in 2014, and she seemed so sweet that I asked her to come and stay at my house for a night to see if my kids would be okay if we let her live with us. I thought that she might be someone that we could help until she was able to make it on her own, but fear took over, and I ended up telling her that it wasn’t going to work out for her to live with us.
The only thing that I really knew about God at that point in my life was that He answered my prayers. I was terrified of anything that I couldn’t see or understand, and because I didn’t really know God or the Word of God, I was an easy target for taking me down by the enemy. I didn’t really know there was an enemy then, and I thought that when people talked about something being “a dark topic” they just meant it was hidden or bad. I learned quickly that darkness is an actual realm of evil that is very real but only a threat for someone that is fearful and stupid about God. That was me back then. I had nightmares and every terrible tormenting fear imaginable. I watched many things be destroyed including my mom and dad for lack of knowledge of the Truth. Thankfully God healed me of all of those issues, because they are paralyzing and cause all of those fears to actually come alive.
But here is how I got forced into facing my fears by God. After I told that sweet 19 year old that she couldn’t live with my family, because we weren’t ready for that sort of a commitment, she was heartbroken and her natural reaction was to be angry. She said a lot of mean stuff, and I thought that it was a justified excuse for me to block her from my phone and never look back. I was very wrong. I suddenly had so many terrible things attacking me and my family that I was really struggling. I had an ankle that was swelling bigger and bigger daily for no known reason, and my daughter was age six and acting like she was no longer my sweet child, but instead was going through these bizarre trance episodes that she would laugh nonstop for hours in the night and when I asked what she was laughing about she stopped and in a voice that shook me to my core said she was laughing at me! I was literally about to lose my sanity trying to figure out what was happening.
I am sure that God was just waiting for me to ask for help, but I was busy freaking out instead. Finally I was to the point of breaking, and I said, “God are you not going to heal my ankle, because I am going to have to go to a doctor if not, and I really don’t want to have to tell everyone that I was wrong about you being able to heal me.” God didn’t hesitate to answer immediately. He said in a very calm and peaceful voice, “You want me to help you, but you turned your back on someone that I sent to you to help?” Ahhhhh geesh! Now I got it. I was turning away this sweet girl that had been praying and believing God for a family, because I was afraid of what might happen if she came to live with us after being seriously abused as a child and many other traumas, but God was letting me see how living in fear and refusing to love and help others looks. It was a living hell! I quickly responded and unblocked my phone. I wasn’t afraid anymore, and I knew that I was there to help the girl. My ankle miraculously was healed and my daughter and my son who had been sick for days.
The girl ended up living with my family for a few years, but when we talked about adopting her, everything went wrong. Before we could go through with the paperwork, something happened and we had a huge fight and she left our house. It was the worst experience, and I thought I had really screwed up so bad that I could never recover.
I wish that I could share the rest of why she actually left, but she won’t let me share any of her story, so I will just say that my ankle was swollen again at that point, but this time I refused to accept that I deserved to be punished, because I knew that I was a redeemed child of God and I was able to refute every tongue that would rise against me in judgment! Wow! My swollen ankle was immediately healed when I knew who I was and what had been done to set me free with the sacrifice of Jesus!
The girl actually needed to go in order for God to put the pieces together that he had already planned for her future. She is doing very well and God answered all of her prayers just like she prayed.
My point in sharing this weird story is to help others understand that we have to step out and not be afraid of anyone or anything! God does expect us to love and help those in need, and He told me that He is waiting for everyone to turn and help others right now, but you don’t have to be intimidated by the enemy when you didn’t do anything wrong and if you did, repent and ask God to help you be free of fear, so you can love extravagantly like He does.
I didn’t realize how much I had changed because of that experience, but I travel all over the world alone now and I go out in the middle of the night and rescue people who are ready to give up and are desperate for help. Most of them have prayed a silent help prayer the night before or a few hours before I show up, so they know that God hears them and that they don’t have to be afraid anymore. How awesome is that for a transformation story?! I am not bragging about how good I am. I am bragging about how much God can do to transform any of us for a higher calling and purpose.
He is so good! The benefits of walking close with Him are unimaginable and they far outweigh any cost of my former miserable life I was living for myself!
Follow the light and you will get out of that dark pit! We are going up where there is nothing left to fear!